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Yesterday I received an email from my academic adviser telling me that I have to pick my major… soon.  A decision that I have often put aside because I was afraid of commitment to something that I wasn’t passionate about.  After testing out the waters for 4 semesters now, I SHOULD know what I want to major in right… or at least more so than when I first came into college.  But the thing is that I DON’T!  I don’t know why this decision is so hard for me.  Part of me doesn’t really care because it’s just going to stress me out.  Another part of me hears that little voice of “God already has my life all planned out, so why worry.”  And yet another says, I don’t want to disappoint my parents in the decision that I choose to follow.  I know they love me no matter what I choose to do, but there’s still an ounce of fear that I would disappoint them somehow. I want to live out my life so that it is aligned with HIS plan for my life, but even in regards to that, my heart hasn’t fully relinquished the control to MY throne. This rings ever more clearly every time I go out witnessing, particularly when I reach the two circles… the self-directed life and the Christ-directed life.  I’ve been questioning myself lately if I really am living the Christ-directed life.  What am I honestly doing that separates me from a non-Christian?  That’s a question that I cannot answer without hitting a roadblock.  But I want to trust in GOD’S sovereign plan.  I want to live a life that’s pleasing in HIS eyes.  I want to surrender my life to HIM. The theme verse for me this year has been Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” So why is my mind so fickle, forgetting HIS promise, forgetting HIS love, forgetting HIS goodness? The verse that my heart leads me to is Luke 14:26-27, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.  And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” I guess this is one of the crosses that I have to carry… a trial and test of my allegiance to the one that I call Savior and Lord.  Am I ready to FORSAKE the things of this world, my worries, and even my parents’ views on what I choose, all FOR the SAKE of God?

Yesterday I received an email from my academic adviser telling me that I have to pick my major… soon.  A decision that I have often put aside because I was afraid of commitment to something that I wasn’t passionate about.  After testing out the waters for 4 semesters now, I SHOULD know what I want to major in right… or at least more so than when I first came into college.  But the thing is that I DON’T!  I don’t know why this decision is so hard for me.  Part of me doesn’t really care because it’s just going to stress me out.  Another part of me hears that little voice of “God already has my life all planned out, so why worry.”  And yet another says, I don’t want to disappoint my parents in the decision that I choose to follow.  I know they love me no matter what I choose to do, but there’s still an ounce of fear that I would disappoint them somehow.

I want to live out my life so that it is aligned with HIS plan for my life, but even in regards to that, my heart hasn’t fully relinquished the control to MY throne. This rings ever more clearly every time I go out witnessing, particularly when I reach the two circles… the self-directed life and the Christ-directed life.  I’ve been questioning myself lately if I really am living the Christ-directed life.  What am I honestly doing that separates me from a non-Christian?  That’s a question that I cannot answer without hitting a roadblock.  But I want to trust in GOD’S sovereign plan.  I want to live a life that’s pleasing in HIS eyes.  I want to surrender my life to HIM.

The theme verse for me this year has been Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” So why is my mind so fickle, forgetting HIS promise, forgetting HIS love, forgetting HIS goodness?

The verse that my heart leads me to is Luke 14:26-27, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.  And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” I guess this is one of the crosses that I have to carry… a trial and test of my allegiance to the one that I call Savior and Lord.  Am I ready to FORSAKE the things of this world, my worries, and even my parents’ views on what I choose, all FOR the SAKE of God?